A Voice Out of Darkness


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Here is the start of a tragic life.

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My Story

My name is Jenay a 40 year old mother of one child ,

I am a survivor of Domestic Violence of many years ,this is my story of how i came out of the darkness of the life i was living and how i came to be the mother of one child the story is long and paved with tears of years of repressed memories.I was born in April of 1970 to a family of 6 girls counting me to a loving mother and father in Breckenridge,Texas a small town with lots to give in it .A beautiful lake where we spent many a summer camping and fishing and baking in the sun,chasing fireflies at night.We moved away when i guess i was about 6 or so and ended up in another part of the State of Texas.My childhood was a good one filled with love and happiness,friends,church..Everything a child should have.

As the years pass by as they always do i grew to be a strong headed young woman.Dating the bad boy types ,doing things i knew i should not have ever done ,But hey when your young you never stop to think about such things.Your ten foot tall and bullet proof,or at least i thought i was.I had many a broken heart through the years which leads up to the story of my life.I have changed the names of the people in the story to protect them from harm or being stalked.what i share is what happened to me in my teenage years.My mother and father never really knew of these things till here in the last few years of my adult life,it pains me to know at anytime they could have stepped in to help me but as i say i was young and dumb to the ways the real world worked and love blinded me to the facts that love is blind and stupid at times and so was i.It has been almost 20 years when all the horrid things happened and i fight on a daily bases to keep hold of my reality so that i can teach my daughter to never walk in the steps i once walked in .I do not want her to become a victim of Domestic Violence as i once was.if it where not for my daughter being born in 1999 my life would have continued to spin out of control.And it almost did,all the abuse i suffered in my younger years was ripping everything around me apart and making life harder then it had to be.I could not trust any man i dated and i lived in fear of the ones from my past that abused me.I have been married 2 times in this lifetime,the first was a drug crazed man that wanted to control everything i did,including the money i made at work and the friends i had  and when i could go see my mother,Sorry mom i never told you but he was an ass all the time.The amount of drugs me and him did was enough for 20 people total,I am now a drug free person by choice,I did the drugs to cope with his actions and violent behavior ,it did not help,most of the time it made it worse.I still fear that man and have not seen him in  years ,nor do i want to ,he has his life i have mine and god willing we do not pass,I might freak out and run screaming with my daughter the other way.

The second time i got married was to a man that had to put up with my constant mental beak downs and running away all the time when things would be doing good,hes the father of my daughter and stays in contact with me and her,between all this the man Taylor was always in the back of my mind haunting it,and sometimes today still does.But i am sure he has his own life where ever he might be(this i do not know).I have lost a lot of friends and gained a few new ones.With my daughter i have had to stand in the fires of the pits of hell called CPS.I lost her to people that made things up lied about the fact of my life,refused to face me in court and stand up to the false things they had to say and i lost my daughter to my mother for 5 years almost till i got her back a about 2 years ago ,I chose to place my daughter with her so she would still be with family while i sorted my life out and cleaned up my act.I was run through the same things all cps cases go through ,forced to take drug tests that i never failed, forced to go to AA meetings that i never needed,hell i don't even drink ,made to go to parenting classes that where very informative and passed them,made to go to see my daughter in the cps office where i had to see my daughter on medications she did not need to be on and nothing i said was took as mothers rights at all my rights where stripped from me i had to trust my mother to take care of my daughter till the CPS hell train stopped pushing me around,what sucks is every time i went to court ,i had a case worker tell me if i did not comply i would go to jail even when i was complying to what they asked of me I always did what they asked me to and ,that went on for a year,my daughter did not have to be in court thank god. On top of all that i had a heart attack like thing happen to me ,but i was to be in court no matter what ,I have heart palpitations and feels like a heart attack when you do not know the difference between the two,with a nervous break down on top of that.over the 5 years my daughter was with my mother being loved and very well cared for and i got to see her often and take her to go do things.we had great fun even though she did not understand why she was not allowed to come home.But she did and is with me now where i live in Abilene and we are happy as can be.we do not speak about that horrid time,and i still hurt over it all and cry a lot about the fact it was a family member that did it all to cause the harm to me and my family i had .during the CPS case i was forced to get a divorce from my daughters father,was told if i did not  then i would go to jail and never see my daughter again.I was to never speak to him or be around him ever,due to lies that where made up about him ......... more to come

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